Last night I heard sneezing and giggles outside around 10:30 p.m., so I go walk past the front door and it's wide open and brian is sitting there and I ask him "what you doing" he says it was to hot inside and he was enjoying the fresh air - SINCE WHEN - I'M ABOUT TO BE MURDER PROBABLY AND NOBODY CARES...........AND I THINK I REALLY AM LIKE DEMON POSSESSED AND NOBODY CARES.........................BUT ALSO I'M ABOUT TO BE PROBABLY MURDERED AND NOBODY CARES........................

My latest diamond painting : )...................

this pic is "zoomed back" for full effect..................

 as always nearly turn up the volume to hear evp's from Satan, Lucifer, the Devil (oh it's him trust and know that  - that is the devil 1 billion percent, he is nice to me................sure I don't have anything on earth to proove that he's nice to me, just my word)

(brian's best friend only said him and his wife were loners and didn't want friendds, but they basically don't want to be friends with me, and then there has to be a reason............he also mentioned jews in a severelly negative way was alluding more then alluding that they were to blaim for everything that has gone bad everywhere on earth -------- so he could be hating me hard MERELY FOR MY RACE) But also I believe those two snubbed me because they don't think I'm satanic enough even though guarantee'd I speak to satan much more then they do, I speak to satan 24/7

------- I'm basically always snubbed and people always are sure they are better then me

fine be better then me

but my beef has always been I SHOULD HAVE A CHANCE AT LIFE TO (just because you don't deem me as good as you - I should have a chance at life TO)

My mom thinks nobody wants brian but that isn't the case! He goes with me to church always, WOMEN WANT A CHRISTIAN GUY. And he told me that he don't have jesus living in him, he don't have no "personal relationship with the lord" he has never felt the precense of the holy spirit he told me he don't need jesus christ or the bible that he is sinless and awesome and to great and awesome to even need a savior or the bible that that is he tells me for weak lowly people like myself. 

fine if that's all the case and he's sinless and awesome always he don't buy me flowers, kiss me on the lips but maybe 10 times a year tops, only wants "late night activities" about 1 time every 3 months is the current average, he don't take me on dates (our son is always with us when we go out and do shiz). NOTHING HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL SECURE?????????

AND THEN LAST NIGHT I HEAR A YOUNG LADY GIGGLING OUTSIDE AND THEN SEE BRIAN SITTING OUTSIDE NO PHONE HE WAS JUST SITTING THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

and i'm supposed to feel great about life and safe??????????????????

(day before heard a lady talking, and as I walk past brian he shuts off whatever this lady was speaking through - like instantly - like "oops my wife is walking past gotta shut this off")

Brian only kisses me on the lips maybe 10 times a year, I know I sound crazy this blog post........I am aware that everyone wants to label me off a harlot of 0 value, satanic, a bish, and dimiss me. Especially people want to label me as crazy..................but this shiz is hard on my mental health that happens to me, THAT DOES HAPPEN TO ME. 

things aren't going good in my life

they aren't looking good things ain't in my life - besides my "mystery future career" I ain't wanting to jinx. 

We label women all to often as crazy - meanwhile a lot of women are being kidnapped, and killed, etc. etc. IT COULD BE SOME WOMEN ARE GOING THROUGH SHIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like to hope lucifer is my 1st husband 

that there's some hope for me to feel safe in the future

but maybe I'm not safe

maybe I never was????????

I am the "man in the box" theough I am a born girl but people spit on me, and they bash me...................................I don't deny jesus as my lord and savior that bit of the song I don't relate to the rest of it I do...............