I had to delete last blog post I couldn't handle it........going to work much harder to take jesus yoke on myself..............................

 Blessed Be Apostolic Christian Church of America 

may Jesus Christ our Lord accept your repentances 

and usher you into his beloved and may you dwell in green pastures for all the days of your lives. 

(apostolic christian church of america xoxoxox - geez I'm lucky lucky lucky beyond lucky to be a part of this church, their really good at getting me to walk in the right direction as a sheep in god's sheepfold or whatever I'm a stupid idiot crossed eye's sheep that likes to go run off the cliff regularly) I had to delete last blog post I couldn't handle it........going to work much harder to take jesus yoke on myself..............................Matthew 11:30 "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." It's a super heavy burden to be battling demonic forces that much.................don't follow jesus that's what happens to me! My husband hasn't viewed the video and he don't believe me, but I'm me and if I be's saying sometime's I'm a bit demon possessed I think there'd be some truth to that!
Today at my aunts church, one the leading brothers mentioned Galatians 6:10
"As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith." It's something to work on for me anyways........I feel very unequipped though, ridiculously unequipped............I mess things up all the time - it kills me look at my blog what a mess! The smith's friends, it's a miracle they put up with me for as long as they did!
Good thing my aunts church loves me so much, though I wouldn't love me, hell no! Today one the sisters that teaches sunday school asked me if Illyana would be there easter sunday "palm sunday" and I was like yep............intense the love I felt from this sister, and geez you'd never seen somebody so happy to hear that I'd be returning to their church and I WAS CLEAN HOLY SPIRIT FILLED and that has never happened to me before like that, where I was holy spirit filled over just someone loving me and being happy that I'm returning like that............I just sat there in some kind of awe, not just over the light in this sister to have that kind of a heart for me and my family, but the power of god that I would be holy spirit filled in that moment - god was telling me something there...........look I'm real, I'm here, good things I desire for you. Moments like those as HORRIBLE as I have done following jesus to this date, which is the most MONUMENTALLY RIDICULOUS STUPID IDIOT ASS attempts to follow jesus, the effort I have made to this date, even with all the battles all the 5 billion spiritual battles I have fought seems I win one and another one starts right up satan just won't take a break already! But back to my point moments like that, make all the effort worth it!
The efforts worth it, when I walk into my aunts church and feel the love like that on sundays! It's a war, it's a galatic war, but one I deem worth fighting, to have fellowship, to hopefully man get this heavy heavy heavy heavy heavy yoke off myself! And put on jesus's light and easy yoke............this yoke on me right now is HEAVY!
I'm really messed in the head to, somedays I really esteem right ESTEEM dark $#^%$#^%^%^% and sometimes I love the dark - just so messed up............when I have it so good at my aunts church! What on earth would I want to ever jepardize that?????? No man I need to hate and flee and be done with all darkness, going to do all I can to deny myself and take up my cross, not be listening to the occult music no more, be in god's word more do all I can to ahhhh make things as right as I can.
I don't know if this "peace with god and man" thing is really really possible - there ain't no peace for the wicked I can full out testify to that NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PEACE! Isaiah 48:22 "There is no peace, saith the LORD, unto the wicked." It's not a peaceful place to be, in wicked evil dark land, not peaceful, heavy yoke.
This verse caught my eye Proverbs 16:7 "When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him." Man I tell you what I could use to have some enemies be at peace with me!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR REALS!
That's my spilling of my guts for today. Have a great week earth!
------------ ya gotta hand it to god (I mean he's really a character, really s...p...e....c...i...a....l) I already was feeling like THE CRAP OF THE EARTH this morning, to not be satisfied nooooooooo that wouldn't be s..p......e.........c........i.......a......l oh ya let's have the leading brother speaking bring up Galatians 6:10 "As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith." Oh ya god ; ) I caught that there moment of specialness! It's a good way to play it though god, I'm really giving ya some props here - that's the time to remind me what I should be doing ok, right when I'm in the most GALATICALLY MASSIVE pile of flaming shit ON THE EARTH!
I'm giving ya props here god. (remember I am currently fully calling myself "funky town" down is up for me often, up is down) God though he wants me to go for the gusto just go for it, just dive right in. THE GUSTO! Don't ya god? : ) Ya you want me to start all doing good to the household of faith...........ya I'm onto your 411 ; ) blowing ya some kisses even. You know I love that s...p........e.......c.........i.......a........l stuffs.
It was a good play on god's part.