confessions of a tortured soul a addict not drugs I'm addicted to but a addict................

Update 4/8/2024 Don't worry about me america, I know you are all starving right now - I'm not joking I'm fully being serious (where I live there might be more homeless then people in houses, and then the people in houses ARE ALSO STARVING WHERE I LIVE MANY OF THEM). Things are so bad where I live, most summers schools have "free lunch programs" where I live!!!!!!  

https://www.clarkcountyfoodbank.org/

what my fridge looks like 

hey but go to a foodbank ok today GET FOOD you need to eat!!!!!!!!

it's a touch of a mess at the moment

this is basically what my fridge always looks like condiment city

the pantry actually looks better

I suvive off of eating potatoes - OH FOR REAL and rice

Millions of US women, children risk hunger without more aid funding, White House says

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/millions-us-women-children-risk-hunger-without-more-aid-funding-white-house-says-2024-01-11/

america according to the cnbc video above is 22nd country in the world as far as starvation goes with you know the number 1 ranked country being the most hungry - we high up in the ranks in america with starvation!!!!!!!!! FOR REAL REAL

This blog post was written before, I solved my problem. I have since solved my big problem in life........(ya I went "cross and skullbones" for the lord edition in the year 2013 😁👍💓💓💓💓💓💓💓) 
  I am a addict no doubt about it, not to drugs but a addict to something!!!!!!!!!!! YIKES, that this song is apparently having to do with recovery, fitting..........
"All of my devils are free at last
And all my secrets revealed
And your permission is all I
Need to heal"

   A person can stay in the sickness, or get better!!!!!!!!!!!!! I relate to these lyrics from sixx a.m. song to.............

"I wake up in the morning, and it comes back to you I breathe in I breathe out, it comes back to you
I stare up at the ceiling, and it comes back to you
I step out my front door, and it comes back to you
The end of my driveway, it comes back to you
Brakelights on the highway, it comes back to you
I could die in Los Angeles.
It would come back to you."

  Comes back to god for me, look up at the ceiling - yep. breathe in breathe out - yep. I'm a addict. Stoppings so hard. 

  I think non-addicts, ya they have issues and pain, but they must have like some coping mechanism -------- we don't have!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not doing drugs....................naw my addiction is elsewhere................................same result I get from it................removes me from the earth......................I go somewhere else. Far away from here, from reality, this place where people die, and people sin and like don't care and like are like much many going to hell they don't care, a place of pain pain pain, even the saints experience pain, so much pain................makes a person just want to check out (I'm saying it's not so crazy the idea of someone wanting to go to a bar for instance and drink til they can't see straight)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to like 1 AA style meeting and pry should like go to more, realizing I have a addiction.............that's pry worse then drugs. And I also realize that I could go into using drugs with ease.................I'm in continual danger of that.............being already in that mindset. But I don't think any drug would get me, where my addiction gets me..............I'm sayin my addiction get's me higher then any drug would a actual high. Here I am I want to stop, and I still catch myself doing it - well it's a addiction then...............you can't just stop often cold turkey................all sorts of underlying issues that put you in that addict diseased sort of mindset to begin with. 

   Can't even enjoy life in it...........life more abundantly John 10:10 "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." Freakin smell the flowers! I've like tried to say on my blog that drugs are from the devil he comes to steal and kill and to destroy. Jesus wants you to have life, a abundant life, a happy life, not one in a tortured little dark hole.

  I might go to more AA meetings............trying to set up some counseling right now (god needs to work with me here)........to get better ya gotta all talk it out n'stuffs I know. """"""""if you work it, it'll work for you""""""""" 

  I have gotten good at hiding it skilled in it, crazy skilled. Isaiah 29:15 "Woe unto them that seek deep to hide their counsel from the LORD, and their works are in the dark, and they say, Who seeth us? and who knoweth us?" Least I fess up to god, He's watching, He's see's, anything you alls be's doing in the dark He sees!!!!!!!!!!!! Bestest ya go fesser up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

  No snort He don't notice, none under the radar.  mourn, mourn that's my new thing mourning Ecclesiastes 7:4 "The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth."

  Locked myself up in jesus's jail real good, threw away the key, threw it away GONE..............so that's the good news : ) see I ended this blog post on a real cheery note : ) maximum security. 

black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses, black roses,