I know I'm being judged and hated, for having a bad "mental health week" ya I know this, I know how cold you are out there and hateful and judgy. I have 2 twenty year old + young adults at home a husband that works from home all the time...................that's hard.........................this house is full all the time I never get time alone and when I do I have to clean the house cause that's the only time I can really clean the house it's near impossible to clean the house with a husband and 2 twenty year old + young adults walking around the house a small 1200 square foot house all the time..........................just typing that down hurts my mental health but you all gonna hate on me...........................

 I know I'm being judged and hated, for having a bad "mental health week" ya I know this, I know how cold you are out there and hateful and judgy. I have 2 twenty year old + young adults at home a husband that works from home all the time...................that's hard.........................this house is full all the time I never get time alone and when I do I have to clean the house cause that's the only time I can really clean the house it's near impossible to clean the house with a husband and 2 twenty year old + young adults walking around the house a small 1200 square foot house all the time..........................just typing that down hurts my mental health but you all gonna hate on me.........................

near everytime I go to church the bell rings soon as I open the car door it's stressful

and knowing

I'm being judged and hated all the time - that's stressful

but besides your judging me and hating me

I literally have two twenty year old + young adult kids walking around alllllllllllllll the time the house I have hard time cleaning it

only maybe 10 hours if I'm lucky in a month to myself and that 10 hours I have to use to clean the house

and then

I have kids all the time asking me to watch video's and movies and go to the movies

and it never ends

it never ever ends

back when the kids were in school, and brian worked in the office...............I did have what 6-7 hours a day to myself 

I am now down to 10 hours a month to myself if that - if I'm lucky it's usually less then that

in a sexless marriage

stressed out

hearing lucifer in my head all the time - which is my fault and I'm not sad about it

I prayed him into my life year 2013 I don't regret that I have no friends on earth

besides brian and the kids

to then find out

oh

there's a reason ghosts were around me as a kid 

and when I was 2-3 years old a crayon was on my wall a crayon demon and I'd run and I'd beg my parents to let me sleep with them and they wouldn't let me

and I slept as long as I could in the hallway on cold hardwood floors

until finally I agree'd to let a crayon demon give me 15 minute classes in the dark arts every night

so 

excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me

if my sanity is a little taxed

I don't have value in my house

 I never have

and I don't have value on earth

I'm a girl that is valueless

I'm past sceptical about the methodist church bell ringing when I get out of the car cause everything else in my life says I am worthless trash

..............

I'm only good for housecleaning and ------------ maybe once every 2 months when brian is in the mood and that's all I'm good for

even my bible says I'm junk....................

1 Timothy 2:14-15

King James Version

14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

people like to tell the suicidal "don't kill yourself things will get better" 

but they haven't gotten better for me they've gotten much much much unbearingably worse

and then 

if I have a bad mental week

I'm just hated more "a crazy lady"