I decided I need to suffer in the flesh..........

this is literally what I typed in 2008 - I didn't edit 0 of it..........................

💓little 2008 mini me so bad................

I have a flesh, and somedays I'm like why? Why follow jesus? Why all this suffering in the flesh - for sure jesus wants me to suffer in the flesh I'm 100% about that much......Luke 9:23 "And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." I end have ended up w/0 life in all this denying myself and following jesus athon I have like no life.......Matthew 10:39 "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." I guess that's the silver lining, I find my life losing it. It sucks for me somedays, somedays I want to just like bar hop and like geez I don't even know whatever all it is people w/lives do : ) And the world don't like me much and it bothers me.....John 17:14 "I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world" But I want to endure, I want to keep on keeping on heeding god's word ---- though there is a part of me that would like to party party and etc etc. whatever it is all the people's of this earth who have "found" their lives do - I envy them a lot.......in many ways it totally bites to be me that's like beyond sucks, I have 0 life right and then I just work to deny myself and take up my cross everyday....wow fun (I'm being sooooo sarcastic) all so jesus has some pleasure in me.....Hebrews 10:38 "Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him." I'm about to suffer in the flesh a slew ----- I don't even want to suffer in the flesh ----- like heeding the word of god, the word of god is sadistic in my opinion a) a person is supposed to lose their lives entirelly and become big fat 0's like myself b) they are then supposed to deny themselves and take up their crosses daily and follow jesus oh and by the way if you ever draw back jesus won't have no pleasure in you So it's loose your life suffer suffer suffer suffer in the flesh, no give into no lusts of the flesh ----- or if you will no be no debtor to the flesh, just heaps of deny myself and take up my cross and follow jesus daily...........so jesus can have some sadistic pleasure in me. I'm going to do it!!!!!!!!! I'm going to suffer in the flesh a eon!!!!!!! That's a long time, and stick w/having 0 life, and deny myself and take up my cross and follow jesus daily.......but I don't know if I'm ever going to enjoy this none. I enjoy dragon boating though : ) rest my day all this follow jesus stuff kinda bites. No turning back for me though, my flesh is just going to have to suffer and live w/it!!!!!!! Better be some awesome awesome room in a mansion jesus preparing for me, it should have art supplies, it should have video games ------ it's all of eternity I going to loose my mind if I am just in a garden what watching ducks?????? it better be good!!!!!!!!!! Cause I am not enjoying following jesus none, it sucks!!!!!!! Following jesus hard work, it's hard to not love none the things of the earth, man I need to, sure helps to have my flesh "crucified" Galatians 5:24 "And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts." This off the topic my vein for this entry but Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." My life right that I live "in the flesh" I don't live in like this world lives in we are no longer "debtor's to the flesh" Romans 8:12 "Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh." NOT TO THE FLESH TO LIVE AFTER THE FLESH!!!!!!!!! ".......the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of god........." Not to live after the flesh that's the idea! YA I know this jesus following stuffs sucks, trust me I know! But he is christ, he will make a nice room in a mansion for you if you deny yourself and take up your cross daily and follow him, hopefully he'll have a big ole plate of nacho's in that room ready to! So I can get to eating nacho's and playing what pac man : ) ya that sounds about right : )