No friends, no family not really....................not feeling like a belong at church either - depressed definately depressed (a new career isn't going to "cure" me either I know the cure TRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!). But I lost myself, having kids, getting married.....really moving away from my usa olympics track friends that I had in Arizona. I'm going back to my previous self ==== track.........................................brian cleaning the garage found a old pic of me, I was a skeleton, that was just my 24/7 look back in the track days........................don't click on this blog post if you had a ed or if you had a ed......................cause I was kate moss at least thin pry thinner................

 ps though picture below isn't me with a eating disorder according my parents I am a chronic liar and I only lie and only lies come out of my worthless piece of trash mouth. My family never thought I had a eating disorder and I was never ever in any eating disorder counseling or nothing at all, CLEARLY CAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WAS NORMAL. (besides like 10 years ago I think it was, I went to a eating disorder support group and brian went with me, he sat for 2 hour or so while a bunch of young ladies talked about food battles - he chimed in to about his disordered eating, binge eating disorder). I had trouble 1 day at the dentist they refused to work on my teeth until I promised to go to eating disorder counseling whatever, they thought I had bulimia. I didn't have bulima, if they merely would've said the word annorexia I might've said ok I'll go to counseling. They worked on my teeth, cause I definitely have never been bulimic!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only have thrown up a handful of times in my life - never enjoyed that, I hate throwing up a ton. 

like most people that have battled annorexia - it comes and goes for me

often it shows up in my life when I feel my life is spiraling out of control................

Annorexia is scary for me though I'm not making fun of ed's though I have to take everything in my life a little "lightheartedly" cause honest, honest sometimes I'll get into "weird eating ruts" I don't like to use the word annorexia......................when it has happened to me in the past I didn't realize it often (or not for a LONG TIME).  My favorite meal, and it's always going to be my favorite meal, a diet cola, 1 slice of cheesecake, and m&m's (that's pry demented, that's my favorite meal) I allow myself to eat that meal a few times a year to.........cause it makes me HAPPY. That I can get away with that and the scale not move up............and then knowing everyone around me is sweating every lb on their bodies - they walking around SWEATING THEIR LIVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

NEW BIG CONTENDER FOR MY FAVORITE MEAL......................I looooooooooooooooooooove going to Olive Garden 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓 I get spaghetti (and I don't care that their spaghetti is kind of fast food junk I LOVE THAT) And then I love getting a giant pot of coffee, and just drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, driking coffee whilst eating some spaghetti.............I really enjoy that...................and I feel great after eating a plate of spaghetti and drinking a entire pot of coffee. THAT IS PROBABLY NOT NORMAL EATING BEHAVIOR - I BARELY REALIZE THAT.

No friends, no family not really....................not feeling like a belong at church either - depressed definately depressed (a new career isn't going to "cure" me either I know the cure TRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!). But I lost myself, having kids, getting married.....really moving away from my usa olympics track friends that I had in Arizona. I'm going back to my previous self ==== track.........................................brian cleaning the garage found a old pic of me, I was a skeleton, that was just my 24/7 look back in the track days........................don't click on this blog post if you had a ed or if you had a ed......................cause I was kate moss at least thin pry thinner................

I was this skinny fun person once that LOVED going for runs

lost myself

lost myself in the worst way

--- note the birkenstalk shoes the hippy shoes - I used to wear them a lot and wear hippy clothing all the time

the bible makes it out that if you loose everything your going to gain everything

but what if

sometimes

you just find yourself a loser????????????

Mark 10:29-31 "And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's,  But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. But many that are first shall be last; and the last first."

I gotta get back to myself

decreasing so jesus increases I BELIEVE CAN BACKFIRE

John 3:29-31 "He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom's voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease. He that cometh from above is above all: he that is of the earth is earthly, and speaketh of the earth: he that cometh from heaven is above all."

you CAN run - and read your bible

you can life weights - and read your bible

etc. 

bible, bible, bible style people have no friends

Mark 13:13

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

hobbies are good

hobbies are awesome they are the best

so what if I quickly end up looking annorexic again (maybe end up annoriexic again???????). If I ain't running fast the wind hitting me hard due to how fast I am running for miles and miles and miles often --------- WHAT AM I EVEN DOING THEN?????????????????????????????

all the suffering of the flesh - that's just misery

damn myself let the wind hit your face again whilst running fast AT LEAST!

NOBODY WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE SAD. NOBODY. Why would though, I even want to be around myself sad? No I need to run again, like I used to....................fast, often, and very skinny!

read my bible to - sure, sure, sure