EXCUSE ME according to my family they are only nice to me all the time and nothing bad ever happened to me that I'm nuts.........................

 EXCUSE ME according to my family they are only nice to me all the time and nothing bad ever happened to me that I'm nuts.........................

I really had memories of bad things happening to me

I guess my mom never had my brother and sister and me go to bed early when my dad came home from the bars drink either when we lived in phoenix arizona?????????????????

-- I did share a bedroom with aimee but not the entire time

and besides even if I did the whole time (which I eventually got that room to myself - cause I am the oldest child and it's common to let the oldest have their own room - that's not some "rarity" on earth...........if siblings share a room it's usually the younger aka kevin and aimee) 

but even if that was the case

you can sent 1 kid to bed often without dinner

and the other one being allowed to eat dinner

no problem

................................................................

to me the previous blog post was sanity on my part 

rationalizing the reason I don't feel loved by my family

because 

I often enough went to bed without dinner because I wasn't "behaving"

that does lead a adult to not feel loved if that happens enough times to them as a child per my own experience

there's a reason I don't feel loved ------ realizing that blogging about that I deem sane activities for me to do

if I did go to counseling and let a counselor try and convince me that all my childhood memories are bullshiz and then program new super dooper loving child hood memories into my brains THAT WOULDN'T MAKE ME SANE ALL THE SUDDEN

TO ME SANITY

IS ------ THIS BAD THING HAPPENED TO ME AKA I WENT TO BED WITHOUT DINNER ONE TO MANY TIMES BECAUSE I WAS MISBEHAVING

AND THAT HAD THE EFFECT ON ME

OF NEVER BEING ABLE TO FEEL LOVED BY MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN

This whole pay a lot of money to have a counselor program me with new memories - that's a expensive way to be deemed sane by my family for 1 if a counselor was even able to do that or would want to do that????????????????????

but that also wouldn't be sane

cause I'd be a different person then living a different life

and I ain't loved

I ain't a loved by my family person

living a mega loved by my family life

I'm glad natalie cunial unfriended me because I love satan

because her mom was maybe still is living with her 

(natalie cunial is my sisters best friend - current best friend) 

and her sister that lives near her came to her house

wanted to 

her family is a loving normal family (mostly)

and I was sooooooooooooooooo jealous of that

that ain't what I've been experiencing with my family - it ain't

all I get often is attacked by my mom and called crazy - I don't think that's me experiencing a loving family

I could be wrong

loving families

love at all costs

pay for counseling if need be don't just sit there and bash you and call you crazy non-stop because you don't live in whatever magical perfect walt disney 24/7 timeline they live in 

------ I was rich to as a kid oh ya

my dad on the phone told me, it's sad that me and my family are so poor and not as rich as I was when I was a kid I don't talk to my parents on the phone often for a real reason they drive me insane 

their idea of reality is different

hell

they living in a mansion right now per their minds and have billions of dollars etc. they have their own reality and it has 0 to do with reality I am CONVINCED